I’m sorry dad, I know I have not been the best daughter to you but I will always love you no matter what will happen.

But today, I felt a little bit glooming sadness over my heart. Dad believe me , I tried hard to perform much well at those exams but somehow I failed to satisfy you. But this score is not  worst either. I am the Qualified honours student dad in Part 2 examination. I know I didn’t get your desired marks but it is not worse as well. In fact it is better than most of my friends and classmates.

Dad why can’t you understand I need both you and ma’s equal inspiration to perform even better in future. Your face was too hard to bear for me, that sad look exactly that sad look just brought tears in my eyes. I am a strong girl, I can handle my own tears but getting that ignorance from parents is something not easy to handle. Everyone is congratulating me, my classmates, my teachers only you were reacting like that dad.

You wanted me to study any science subject for graduation course, it was me who pursued the English honours because It is my passion dad which you never understood and probably never will. 

I have changed my college in 2nd year because there was some attendance issue in my earlier college. Dad do you even know how I have gone through the pain for exact two and a half month ? No you don’t because I chose not to tell you. While every single parent was there with their child I was their only alone one standing like a deserted child. I knew if I told you guys about that you would have killed me. There was only one person who was there with me, Touhid. He helped me to change my college, he was there dad he was and is always. When I lost my phone he was there with me outside the police station for lodging complaints. He was and is. You were not.

My little sister, she is too young to understand this sort of emotions. Dad do you know I try every single day to fit into her world. I never scold her for her marks because I know If I do that she will loose her self-esteem. I want to be someone who will guide her in the right direction not someone judgemental consistently judging her for her marks.

I can still feel the vacant place in my heart.

It is still very much evident there.

I need you dad and mom, I am that little girl who had to fight with every problem alone. I know there will be Touhid but outside my house. What about inside my house? I still have to act like nothing happens. Mom, I can’t feel your hand on my eyes to swap out my tears. And dad I have just qualified  honours, why are you not happy? Why?

Sorry dad, I am really.